The Nature of Consciousness

Living in Consciousness is a process that builds and develops with time over the course of days, weeks, months, and years. We find moments in life to engage ourselves in, and revel in our successes, and feel disappointment for our losses, all because we accumulate thoughts, ideas, and actions over the course of seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years....

We build muscle and regenerate, or deteriorate, depending on where our consciousness lies, over the course of seconds, minutes, hours.....and create new, healthier, or weaker, tissue over the course of days, weeks, months, years....

We become ill, not because we passed by someone with a cold, not because someone with the flu shook our hand, not because of any small child sneezing into the air, but because of our thoughts. How have we observed our thoughts? If we have not deeply reflected on our thoughts then we may have gotten overwhelmed by the mental and emotional stimuli...information running through our bodies. We decided to hold it in or think we let it go. And then it hits...the sudden realization that we are in fact sick, and we ignored our thoughts for days, weeks, months, years....and that we do not have to make this choice if it were for a continual, active state of consciousness that is developed, much like muscle, over the course of seconds...

Changing a thought at any time...it only takes a minute....take the time to reflect on it for an hour, and you might have a pattern in the process of change....take an hour each week and see how you soar....or, maybe you might just make conscious awareness and the direct intention to change a thought pattern an actual identity of its own over the course of days, weeks, months, years....

These thoughts have been yours for at least days, usually years. But like everyone else, you and I may have decided to stagnate that thought a little, not given it much love and attention like everything else in your life that needs love and attention. Nurture. Moisturize. Develop. Train. Stuff like that. So then your emotions start to become this unconscious, reactive entity that you allow to run your life, like a beast, a monster. You wonder why you feel this way and you constantly battle the demons because you have not properly trained your dragon. I don't have to tell you this didn't happen overnight. It happened over the course of..yes, that's right. ...days, weeks, months, years....

So now this thought, this emotion, has become a part of you, like your physical body, and so you think, "oh, this is just what needs to happen." Right? Well, if you want it to be...or...you can make a new decision. Today is good. In fact, this very second, the moment you are in right now, is probably pretty cool to start with. A seed. A tiny little seed with the kinetic potential to grow an entire farm of whathaveyous, all starting from the tiny potential of the seed. After all, isn't that what Jesus talked about, having faith the size of a mustard seed? In fact, when I was little, I wore a mustard seed in a glass heart around my neck. I will never forget that seed. I have since become a tree.

So then your intuition kicks in, and you start feeling things, because you've cleared yourself at the basest level of your existence: your body. In fact, I could call the body the least of these five layers of self, the five layers being body, breath, mind/emotions, intuition/wisdom, and bliss/salvation/realization. The body is where cleansing the spirit begins for transformation. In this body state, we fast to cleanse our will center, our third chakra, the seat of discipline, discernment, and the bridge of the lower mind and essential needs for survival. With fasting, we challenge this center and demand of it the understanding that it will be much stronger and reinforced after this minor challenge, and that we are not our bodies...

We are forced to breathe through exercise, with its quick, short, revitalizing breath, or the long, languid breathing of a tai chi, yoga or other slow practice....we then settle into a prayer or meditation, making us focus on our breathing...the mind and emotions release, open and experience sensations and thoughts without any judgment.....

This gives room for the intuitive self to be realized. This is when you feel God talks to you through everything, every medium, every person, every text, every touch, every thought, every morsel of food...and if God is not talking, you might want to ask yourself why, considering the chatter is constant...days, weeks, months, years....

Opening you into your Bliss, Blissfully. Of course, No-Thing Happens overnight.....

Interview With a Date.

Yes, the title is a play on the vampire book because I am reading it. And Oh my Gawd (in my best valley girl voice) it isss, like, soooo scary!! But I am soooo totally starting to digress and I haven't even started.

So I'm probably supposed to be doing homework or something....but I'm not. Okay. I sit and then decide to relish this moment of wanting to run my long, sinewy (I like that word) made-for-piano fingers over the keypad and enjoy the freedom of letting my fingers scream whatever they want...at whoever they want. So this is not a rant to anyone, but none other than "Conversations with Universe," and I invite you all to listen in. Here goes.

What is a date?
A date is something one does with another in order to get to know the person better and see if another date should happen.

Is this an interview for sex partners?
Sure...or spiritual connection, or long term...or so I hear.

Is Date + Friend-D(ri)-end= Fate? Or Date/D('Fr) +idycat-(te)= 'Fraidy Cat?
Oh, it could be one. Or the other. Or both. Or neither.

Aren't there books out there on this equation?

Yes. I mean no. I mean, there's a bunch of books out there, and they ALL have specific rules. It's all this "no nonsense" stuff that is supposed to make sense and automatically work in your life, but so far it seems that Connie needs to write her own "manual."

Why?
Because I want to tweak the rules. My spirit so far seems to have exceptions for every rule because I believe people are flexible, and needs are flexible, Love should be flexible (isn't that the definition of unconditional?) and negotiations can sometimes be successful. Except for when you're negotiating.

This blog is not as interesting as the book Interview With a Vampire.
(But possibly just as spooky)

It's not trying to be, dork. I'm just trying to make sense of what's supposed to happen next. I mean, really, once you're in the hot and heavy throws of passion, something is supposed to dry up and hit you in the face that this person is just right, or this person is just right and I'm not, or this person is just not right and in fact all kinds of wrong and what's more is I'm outta here. Or this person is fulfilling a need for me and I'm gonna keep letting that person fulfill that need and not try to put a name or a package or price tag on it. Try that huh? You female you.

You're getting a little weird. Tell me about a date you've had.

Well, there's one that lasted a day, one that lasted three months or more and one that has lasted for four or more years....

Seriously, really, tell me. What was the date like? What signs are you looking for? What do you want? Do you seriously think I'm a dork? Are there too many questions here?

Woah woah brain! (wait, who's talking to whom?) Well, maybe it's because I have some serious vibe, but I can get into the energy of a person pretty quickly. I love easily. I also can fade away easily, but maybe not for that other person, because of the way I love. ....but it's intense. Not everyone can get with that intense kind of love, although it's what everyone says they want.

The three month date is a friendship (fateship?) in progress...some progress....the one day date was with him and ALL his friends, so since I haven't heard from him again, I'm thinking one of two things: he's either intimidated, or intimidated AND his friends said "out of your league." ...yeah, that sounds good. It's how legends are made. ("Document it! It might not be verifiable!! Document it anyway!!") Every date I've ever had needed time to develop. And as for the one that has lasted four or more years, I'm still trying to understand and contain all of those pieces. Things keep coming up that should be crystalline by now! Could that be why it is (and they all are) still a date and not more?

So then the others....ahh all the possibilities...and yet I sit, with my lovely little guy and a huge stack of excellent books, a computer and a few good friends...

I detect a hint of melancholy, dear one.

Yes. Does knowing what I want matter at this point? I have seen all the signs I would feel could make a really great thing happen with me and another dude, but I've also seen a lot of "wow! woah..." shit that could really just hang it all up for me.

Does this mean you don't know what you want? .......Are you avoiding my question? (man, my fingers just say whatever they want)

I feel I know what I want, but I don't know that it wants me right now.
The man needs to be...secure in as many physical ways possible (grounded emotionally, financially grounded and realistic), honest with his feelings, straightforward with heart, willing to hash it out calmly, must have a deep internal need to serve in some way humanity, in another way me (the way I would him). He needs to feel his spirit guides him and speaks for him openly and without reservation. He must be a leader and willing to "take one for the team" as I would.

I think this is me, so I'd want it to also be him.

Are you taking crazy pills, or do you really think this guy exists?

yes I'm taking crazy pills and no I don't think, I KNOW this man exists, and I know I've been with him and eaten dinner with him and listened to him for long periods of time and supported everything that he is, or at least opened myself up to it.

You should probably do your homework now. I love you Connie.

Yes sir...ma'am....Goddess. I love you too, Universe.

Summer Break Blues Rambling

Into an Ordinary State of Consciousness with this post, as opposed to my typical Shamanic Trance...

The alarm goes off. Again? I have to actually get up?
My brain doesn't understand this information. I mean after all, it's summer. What the hell does waking up in the morning have to do with summer? I don't see the connection. In fact, waking up has never been my style, ever since I was very young, I was never a morning person.

I drag my slightly aging body out from underneath the covers and lift my head. My phone rings. "Hi Mommy. Grandpa is taking me to the library. Pick me up from there." Since Gramps is down the street, my kid seems to think he can run me. And sometimes he is successful. Fail for me, win for him. Who's the parent?

It's time for the morning ritual. Breeeeeeeathe. Yooooooga. ....a big glass of water, some sole and one or two apples later, I am ready for the day. I celebrate my eventual rise with two bags of lemon tea and a boca patty on bread, and fresh seasoned tomato salad from my best friend's garden. Ahh, the pleasures of life...and then it happens. I remember the stack of work I've left for myself since I'm in a masters program. I am chained, bound and virtually gagged to this program until I finish, 30 grand later. It pays to be a teacher. Literally. Only problem is, this is not exactly what I signed up for. I should have read the fine print, otherwise I would have realized that saving the kids would just have to wait until I became a millionaire. But I digress.

Limitations, delimitations, hypothesis, and dependent variables all started to flow into a sticky, oozy mush as I studied. Crap. The big crap of the masters program is that here I was, sitting here, having to go through the terror of Statistics class repeatedly, for what seemed like the fifth time in my life. This was my least favorite class, every time. Finite math is like this huge monster running very quickly at me while my legs were always heavy as mud, running away in slow motion. I hate nightmares, and this was a recurring one throughout my life, only the monster had ram horns, big curly ones. I'm starting to think that's another post where I get to ramble about my childhood. So I digress again. I'm a digressor. Er? English class memories...Hmm, never mind.

Man, had I just taken up psychology as I was first inclined to do back in college, I would have this statistical shmistical crap under my belt and handled to the point where all this minutia could have been eliminated. Derailed. Pushed off the edge of a rabid, menacing precipice...but no, back into the book "rabbit hole" I go...and one assignment is completely finished. Now this is an accomplishment for a lazy, hazy summer break that I thought I would never achieve.

I grab a cup of tea, some vitamins and my brain as I head to the bedroom to select clothes for my exercise classes I now have to go teach. Ahh, such is the mundanity of the Ordinary State of Consciousness, that is yet so popular and as "they" say, necessary, to the outer and inner workings of what we're all identifying as Life. I guess that means this post is to be continued...

Love is the question, the answer, and the design.

Our deepest desire is to feel two hearts beat as one, or 16, if you have intuitive empathy...
Love is that overtly clear and esoterically mysterious entity and idea all at the same time. We chase it, we crave it on a base sexual level to a spiritually enriching level. We want it, need it, expect it and sometimes are addicted to it. We live for love and sometimes we even die for love. But is love what we really want and truly need to "make" ourselves happy? Are we defining base physical, rudimentary ideas as the symbol of love, or do we understand that love's current runs far, far deeper than any of us truly realize?

Do we know that sex does not equal love? Do we understand that most of our experiences of love are decided upon in our mind, consisting of patterns and conditions mostly based on what traditional upbringing we've had? Do we get that our love is a loosely defined term at best, and completely misread and misunderstood or disregarded at its least? Do we know that the letters of love in numerology equal 9, a vibration of karmic, cyclical completion? Do we understand that many of our world's greatest spiritual leaders knew love but did not transfer it into a physical act of intimacy?

Love doesn't fight for ownership of another person. It does not possess their body and bind them into a marriage. Love does not strangle, struggle, choke, or stifle movement. Love does not hold anyone back from pursuing their dreams. Love doesn't make one commit their time, energy, intentions or intimate actions to another. Love is neither monogamous nor polyamorous. Love is not blind nor does it have any eyes, hands, feet or mind. Love doesn't pay any bills or buy any houses, fancy clothes, shoes, cars or mansions. This is our definition, not the truth of love.

So what am I really trying to say here? The next time you want to blame or accuse someone for not doing something for you that you think in your mind they should have done...or they say something that "hurts" your feelings (your past mental tapes and trigger points), the next time someone doesn't want to call your connection with them anything in particular or say the words "I love You" which add up to a hill of meaninglessness if the person doesn't practice being love....challenge yourself to transcend your mental tapes and realize that, truly, we all are a product of our experiences and we all are of love, no more, no less.

Love is ever pervasive, all knowing and feeling, like air. It has no limits, boundaries or definitions unless we give it one. It has no conditions, no feelings or thoughts. It is our deepest sense of self without giving it a voice, a look, or an earthbound energy. It is all that we know, and all that we do not know. It is the basis for the world's religions at their purest, most original intent and origin. It is the reason for researchers, scientists, artists, mothers, teachers, visionaries, producers and anyone in between to fight for something, no matter what it is, especially those things where we are not sure why we fight so hard. Every advocacy is a selfless act of love on some level....whatever level we can identify.

It is, in its most effortless sense, the design of the universe, universe meaning one song. That's all, the All, the I am, the wang chung, the yin yang, the Om Shanti, the Namaste, the John 3:16, the Angel Gabriel visiting Muhammad, the sacred Kabbalah, the Buddha and the Bodhissattva, Nirvana, the schma, the Word, the Way, the Light, the One source, Brahman, All that Is, the Truth. Love is, really, all there is.

Capitalizing once on the Thrice Great.

Oh that Hermes, what a cad...dropping "his" pearls of wisdom on the universe, or from the universe, as it were...and here everyone else is, making money on this wisdom "they themselves" supposedly have come up with. The funny thing is, it's all been done before, and already once by the thrice great, Hermes Trismegistus. Hermetic principles were made out to be this esoteric, occult thing (two words currently given the meaning "hidden") because of Constantine. Really Constantine? That threatened, were you?

Hermes apparently was deified as Thoth, which is sort of an awesome proposition considering the representation that Thoth holds and is as a God of the Sciences, math, writing, and generally speaking, the attainment of knowledge. If this be so...let the knowledge of the universe pour forth on my fingertips as I speak the words of ancient wisdom through the spiritual guidance of Thoth. He's becoming my new go-to guy....

So, I thought it was cool that the Hermetic principles were not all that secret and haven't been since the days of the Christian takeover, though during the times of deep conquest, in order to keep the Divine Flame alive, people often had to go in secret to caves and forest woodland areas in order to practice, hence robes and a renaming of the teachings just to hide it from the powers that be...although every spiritual leader worth their salt knew this ancient teaching and is currently the basis of all spiritual literature and sacred texts.

The seven Hermetic principles are: Mentalism, correspondence, cause and effect, polarity, rhythm, vibration, gender. Each could most possibly be self-explanation at one point. These principles grab at you and bring forth the essential essence that is uniquely, in a word, Truth. You. Everything we need to know that we, in fact, did learn in Kindergarten. Think about it. We learned to use our minds to solve problems and overcome difficulties, we learned how to relate with others in a pleasant manner, cause and effect, the difference between polar opposites (good and bad, etc.), music, touch and feel, and that we each had to go to separate bathrooms because we were now considered "big boys and girls."....

I could go on about how the basic principles we have been raised with just continue to get revisited and are resurfaced now and again through self help, or I could just join the masses of people who are writing and find my angle to ride. Being a philosopher is tough because you simply and want to Think about these things. Being a teacher is a much more active form of philosophizing...and then everyone comes to you for everything, even when it's the kitchen sink that's not working, instead of your polarity or vibration. But that's a completely different story.

Tuesday Morning

It's 8:20a.
Yeah, the day, she has begun again. I race through the school to the library, handing off electronic materials, and I get my head bitten clear off by the librarian. "Had you not caught me I would not have been standing here! I'm upstairs!" She yells. My face felt stuck in the blast...pondering mind could not help but feel her words were spent uselessly in my face. There would be no payoff. "...Umm, okay, I can come back later. Thanks." Bipolarity rules.

I manage a quick saunter to my car and begin rummaging through its contents. Banana peel on seat, check. Hatchback opened and water bottles filled, check. Candy thrown into the arms of a bystanding student helper, check. Lackeys rule. So do vagabonds, which I apparently am, judging from the looks of the inner workings of my car.

Now I decidedly sit to the computer and begin my day, taking roll and checking emails. Oh, the busy life of a teacher, I internally report, as my children begin to slowly drive me insane. That's when they get the speech on "instead of wondering why you didn't get run over and how the car keeps missing you, feel thankful that it did."

I made my to-do list and realize what an impossible task my to-do really is. ...and so my most current "built-in Connie feature" is to figure out which priorities are truly most worth prioritizing, which means everything else all but makes the list. Sigh. Trudge, trudge, trudge.

Nutrition rolls around and I spend a portion of it yelling at kids in the hall, which is what they are when they're not in my room, meaning a lot more noise. I breathe Dragon Fire on them, making myself understand my lack of a yoga practice this morning. This is why I practice yoga: because when days like the one aforementioned happen, I'm floating on cloud 9, somewhere else in other worlds, instead of being on the planet with the crap we sometimes swim in. Rambling through..

3:14a : Pin drop thoughts

3:14a. Wow. I should be sleep. I give a great yawn and roll my head once around. Fingertips get to talking and soon the blogging is on, yes it hath begun.

I open my rather weary eyes and cock my head to one side as I type and listen to the bathroom light I've managed to leave running. What do I anymore have to say? Is my voice still there? I have not used it in some time...I sift through the moral compass of my heart and wonder if I've currently made some moves that have promised no one light, love or freedom.

Freedom. Sounds like such a free word, but oh such heavy price to pay, especially when that price is that relationship that could have done this amazing thing but instead, did not and in fact hurt alot of people in the process.
I stand and walk towards my dimly lit room, a shadow of its former self after having thrown away all external coverings. Now not only did I throw away the sheets, I tossed the pillows as well, and with a minimal amount of money, I decided to press on anyway. It needed to be done since it signaled a certain end of a certain energy I had been trying to shake and move for some time. New pillows, new shams, new covers, new color. Oh it is gonna be great to lie in. Alone. Hmmph.

...Well, I did say I threw a lot away... I hope not as much as I feel...

New opportunities await me. As I walk into the kitchen, fragrances stimulate my memory of the kitchen representing comfort, creativity and opportunity. Maybe that's why I stand in there so often.