Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Female Warrior

It's 3:52a.


I struggle to write a paper, letter by letter, or so it seems. It's not asking me anything tough...I am just dragging my heels and finding just about any distraction to prolong this paper, which is not a big deal, from being written...type the shift key, type a comma, then a 3, and you can get a heart on the instant messaging function on the universal friend portal, FaceBook, where we all stay connected through mostly highly positive means.

I notice I'm journaling about my eating habits, gave up my morning coffee, have eaten lots of light food and vegetables, talked to very inspiring friends, done a little reading and also some work. What is this awake energy that I'm experiencing?

Really the message of all this excess energy is coming from the awakening of this female warrior. I've spent many years of my life in the old shoes of the masculine energy I've always so comfortably taken on, including the types of men in my life that enjoy befriending me, most likely because of this maleness, and they don't typically know why this is. It could be that we get along, but there's something more, undeniably more about me that draws them slowly closer, like a panther quietly stalking his ,('her' Connie, 'her') prey. I've always drawn closer to males and have trusted them more in some ways, though I've never invited a man into my life that the majority could agree upon, trustwise...but i digress.

So having come to the frightening conclusion that i am most definitely transforming those male parts of myself, I am wondering what to do with this female warrior, now that she is appearing. She is calling me to be more loving, nurturing, caring, emphathetic and empathic, and play the role of earth mother. It's not that I haven't been there before. I just wonder in fact how hard it actually is to say goodbye to the male I've known so well. It's like 9 goodbyes all rolled into one. I have to remove the hardened layers of self...oh look, there they go now. People stop to talk not because they find me familiar, but because they sense this maleness. What I'm learning is that finding the path of the female warrior has much more to do with finding the wisdom of the ages while sipping on tea.