Tuesday, May 28, 2013

The Prayer of Love, Light and Peace

Love before me
Love behind me
Love at my left
Love at my right
Love above me
Love below me
Love onto me
Love in my surroundings
Love to all
Love to the Universe
Peace before me
Peace behind me
Peace at my left
Peace at my right
Peace above me
Peace below me
Peace onto me
Peace in my surroundings
Peace to all
Peace to the Universe
Light before me
Light behind me
Light at my left
Light at my right
Light above me
Light below me
Light onto me
Light in my surroundings
Light to all
Light to the Universe


Ode To Risky...A Remembrance.

Ahh, Risky. You were the surprise we never saw coming.

I remember it as a cold January morning in 2002. Philip came running to awaken me. I was groggy as he excitedly exclaimed, "hurry! You've got to see this! You won't believe it!" I dragged myself outside in the crisp air to see two puppies nestled into mama Terra's belly. I dropped my mouth open in total disbelief of what I saw. "Are you kidding me? When did Terra get pregnant?? And who exactly is the father?" We only had speculations on which dog it could have been but wasn't sure. But more importantly, we had been dragging her on walks and runs, and just thought she had gained a little weight from the extra food, but had no idea that she was bearing two pups. That hit us completely sideways.

Well of course, Philip's first reaction was to say that we couldn't afford three dogs, so we tried finding homes for the fluffy furries. However, one stayed...and Kai named that one Risky, forever to be his pup.

Well time passed and the dog grew to be smarter than his mama. Lucky thing too, because we needed a guard dog. Risky grew to be the beautiful labrador-looking specimen that I had wanted ( I actually wanted a chocolate lab, but he was close enough). We ran on a number of trails, but I spent more time with Terra, while Philip ended up running Terra more often, though we took them both out a number of times. What good times...I feel bad that Risky's hip health began to decline, but it never seemed to cut into his happiness. What a happy and smiley dog. He will be missed.

The initiation of ownership.

It begins.

I know I could say a lot of things here as I enter into a new realm of consciousness, which is commensurate with deeply knowing ones identity within oneself, both personally, and in the world. If there is any desire to allow the ritual of entrepreneurship to enter at all, then there must be a true willingness to perform at a level whose tree bears fruit.

As I plan and prepare, it all seems so doable and as if I'm a lot farther along when suddenly...I get an email from someone on my health coaching site, asking for someone to send them their free book.

My Integrative Nutrition program generated an automatic email response to alert me of website traffic, and how to round up leads that I collect on my site. It was incredibly fascinating to hear the tapes at that point that ran in my head, the backdrop tune playing as I sang the words...where is my finished client binder? What will I give these clients to keep them? How do I prepare and utilize these materials while organizing and planning their sessions? When will I have time to plan versus orchestrate the session? How do I close a package deal that offers the client the six month program pack?

In a word, a current of FEAR ran through me. I think for a moment that I was truly scared to give anything at all, and this was probably single-handedly, the piece that was keeping me from having a stable of clients flowing thru my doors.

Also, when we first embark on an adventure, neither do we know where it will take us, nor do we always trust the signs and outcomes we do achieve. For example, I had a busy client schedule for the last two weeks and I found myself to be overwhelmed by the influx of new energies along with what still needed revisioning, and I ended up using the model to design pages and paperwork that had not even been invented...I keep saying I would find a sort of balance but was forced back into pre-production, because too much had been left undone.

And so if I want my initiation and learning phase to be complete in order to allow a pathway of clients to enter, I need to accept my fear as something that will exist in even the most comfortable moments, if I wish to achieve success with a new paradigm.

A Letter to my Culminating Son.

Dear Kai,

I hope this letter finds you in as wonderful, exhilarated and ecstatic mood as I am in. I cannot believe how far you've come, and it is all just hitting me now in this shower of Love and pride, mixed with a tinge of sadness and longing for a time I'll never get back.

You were the most beautiful baby to me, so calm and easy going. I didn't think anyone really had it this easy with a child, but here you were, sitting with me while I cooked and drank tea, listening to Mozart. Who knew you'd grow up so well and youthful, enjoying each moment and not trying to grow up faster than your age. You are still like that. You aren't into fast cars, girls or violent video games. You aren't trying to date or be in fashion. You care about important things like spirituality and animals and drawing. You're okay going to a therapist for healthy mental balance. You don't wait for a problem to manifest, you think about it ahead of time. You found a passion for multimedia design and Muy Thai, and you have a best friend you've had since preschool, which I am more than amazed and pleased with. If anything, your father and I gave you the calmest life we knew how, and I hope you feel you've benefited from it too.

Here it is, the moment we've all waited for: high school. There were moments when I doubted myself as a parent, especially being a teacher, feeling that I hadn't done all that I could do to be the best for you, and to help you academically. I felt I've always been too busy with my own life, trying to find a way to make ends meet, selfishly ending a relationship because I was worried about me and what you would grow up dealing with, instead of thinking that maybe you would have loved the chance to at least live through hearing your parents argue. Maybe the money was not as important as spending more time with you. I knew those things. But everytime I asked you if I was doing enough as a mom, you lovingly hugged me and said that you were perfectly happy, no matter whether that was the truth or not.

Your entire early years were spent with me as a teacher in training with my credentialing program. I toiled to be able to afford some kind of life for us, and I got a masters for it. I hope I've made you proud with my accomplishments. I hope it inspires you to one day pursue the highest goal possible. I wished that I could have gotten my schooling done before you were born but I hope that you can forgive me for spending so much time on this. Again, I hope I've made you proud.

So that time has come and gone. I no longer have that chance to return to that time and replay or fix any mistakes. All I have is the opportunity to be a more amazing mother who has learned from her mistakes and her own need to improve herself, while being a parent.

As high school begins, I am looking forward to experiencing all the grandest experiences with you. I am hopeful that you become my workout partner in the gym and my X2 buddy in Six Flags. I hope to walk you into your first job and visit your first college campus with you. I plan to hand you your first keys to your first car and help you into your first dorm room. I hope to see you finish a college with high honors and become the artist, multimedia designer and entrepreneur/spiritual leader you have always been meant to become. I support all that you choose to become in life...  I hope to hold your firstborn in my arms and bless the child for being born as I embrace your wife. I intend to see every success with you, and be a greater mom than what I was able to accomplish in this first half of your life, though you seem to have turned out exceedingly well.

Kai Gabriel Dunn, my son and best friend, I love you and I am so so proud as a parent and as an individual who sees you in your highest Light, and I don't think I can be more grateful to have you as a son, and to be able to call you my own.

Much, much Love,
Your Mother

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Relationship of Initiation

It took courage and heart to be in a toxic relationship, as much as it did to be in one that espoused high spiritual truths. The balancing of energies that must take place regardless of the type of relationship we find ourselves in, is part of the expansion of consciousness one goes through in order to find self worth.

In my spiritual relationship, I found that it took an incredible amount of time, energy, patience and discipline to render. That was the downside. In addition to this, if ever there were a psychic imbalance or disconnection, it would take some doused discipline to heal and clear it. The plus side is that I always had someone available to ground me and hold space for me when I did clearing work for others. The one thing I needed to know about myself is whether or not I had learned the lessons with him and the work that I needed to learn. This could only be done alone.

In the toxic relationship, I was berated, attacked and treated as a punching bag. I came to the realization that, after being called names for yet the umpteenth time, that, not only did I not consider myself a victim, but that I had built up a better sense of self esteem than what I was showing the world.

The toxicity cleared only after a series of tests and trials. I knew I couldn't go to the next level if I never responded to the call for expansion. My initiation into my higher self was only catapulted by having some intense occurrences appear. This did not only occur in my personal life, but in workplace situations as well.

People say that one should just leave the toxic situation and to not expect the person or situation would change. Well so far, I've never seen a situation in my life improve by giving up.