Tuesday, May 28, 2013

A Letter to my Culminating Son.

Dear Kai,

I hope this letter finds you in as wonderful, exhilarated and ecstatic mood as I am in. I cannot believe how far you've come, and it is all just hitting me now in this shower of Love and pride, mixed with a tinge of sadness and longing for a time I'll never get back.

You were the most beautiful baby to me, so calm and easy going. I didn't think anyone really had it this easy with a child, but here you were, sitting with me while I cooked and drank tea, listening to Mozart. Who knew you'd grow up so well and youthful, enjoying each moment and not trying to grow up faster than your age. You are still like that. You aren't into fast cars, girls or violent video games. You aren't trying to date or be in fashion. You care about important things like spirituality and animals and drawing. You're okay going to a therapist for healthy mental balance. You don't wait for a problem to manifest, you think about it ahead of time. You found a passion for multimedia design and Muy Thai, and you have a best friend you've had since preschool, which I am more than amazed and pleased with. If anything, your father and I gave you the calmest life we knew how, and I hope you feel you've benefited from it too.

Here it is, the moment we've all waited for: high school. There were moments when I doubted myself as a parent, especially being a teacher, feeling that I hadn't done all that I could do to be the best for you, and to help you academically. I felt I've always been too busy with my own life, trying to find a way to make ends meet, selfishly ending a relationship because I was worried about me and what you would grow up dealing with, instead of thinking that maybe you would have loved the chance to at least live through hearing your parents argue. Maybe the money was not as important as spending more time with you. I knew those things. But everytime I asked you if I was doing enough as a mom, you lovingly hugged me and said that you were perfectly happy, no matter whether that was the truth or not.

Your entire early years were spent with me as a teacher in training with my credentialing program. I toiled to be able to afford some kind of life for us, and I got a masters for it. I hope I've made you proud with my accomplishments. I hope it inspires you to one day pursue the highest goal possible. I wished that I could have gotten my schooling done before you were born but I hope that you can forgive me for spending so much time on this. Again, I hope I've made you proud.

So that time has come and gone. I no longer have that chance to return to that time and replay or fix any mistakes. All I have is the opportunity to be a more amazing mother who has learned from her mistakes and her own need to improve herself, while being a parent.

As high school begins, I am looking forward to experiencing all the grandest experiences with you. I am hopeful that you become my workout partner in the gym and my X2 buddy in Six Flags. I hope to walk you into your first job and visit your first college campus with you. I plan to hand you your first keys to your first car and help you into your first dorm room. I hope to see you finish a college with high honors and become the artist, multimedia designer and entrepreneur/spiritual leader you have always been meant to become. I support all that you choose to become in life...  I hope to hold your firstborn in my arms and bless the child for being born as I embrace your wife. I intend to see every success with you, and be a greater mom than what I was able to accomplish in this first half of your life, though you seem to have turned out exceedingly well.

Kai Gabriel Dunn, my son and best friend, I love you and I am so so proud as a parent and as an individual who sees you in your highest Light, and I don't think I can be more grateful to have you as a son, and to be able to call you my own.

Much, much Love,
Your Mother

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