Sunday, November 25, 2012

Communication at the heart of Relation

I feel as if I have just won Relationship Scrabble.

This profound breakthrough in communication seems to be the thing I needed to find my peace again as a person who prides herself on being able to keep strong communication in partnerships. The problem for me had always been one of noticing that my relationships were still failing, skipping a beat and then ending. Isn't communication supposed to improve and maintain the status of a healthy, working union? I'm going to say yes, and then proceed in the idea that more communication can only help the intimacy grow.

My partner and I had several long discussions this week and it made all the difference in the questions we held for each other, like missing puzzle pieces. I was made aware today, of how I am teaching my partner how to ask the right questions when approaching situations and feelings that the process of intuition weren't answering. That's the other thing I noticed: intuition opens the inner sight to the world surrounding, and the individual's task is to see it, not necessarily for that picture to draw a straight path leading directly to the door with the answer behind it. Sometimes the search must be pursued.

In relationship I've been seeing how the search must be pursued and the right questions asked, in order to obtain the clearest response possible. If the right question is not asked, the right answer will not be gotten. This, to me, is the simplest truth I have agreed upon. This is also keeping in mind that the answer one is seeking, is dependent upon the answer one may have subconsciously decided and previously agreed on, based on past relationship experience. The toughest part is how the heart decides to render the current information based against personal history, be it successes or pain. Since I find this information in the past, I can probably register it as some form of pain, and for me, this means one or two things: pain is either the motivator, or the inhibitor, in relationship decisions.

When I explained to my man, that his current actions incited fear in my response to him based on my past, he understood after a rather lengthy explanation of what it meant. So I showed him a map to my front door, because he had been using his intuitive processes to discover my world, but not to the point of getting a direct reason for some of the rifts being caused. Then he showed me a map to his world.

I had been wondering why I was not quite able to successfully soothe the waters over an extended period of time, but now, given this new idea of actually taking the time to draw out the map, could help a future talk become a very clear and hopeful discussion. At first it seemed like such a no-brainer...but then, I looked at how much time I sometimes spend on trying to figure things out without details. Spirituality and intuition in relationships isn't always about knowing details. Instead, I can accept that it is more about asking the right questions.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Touch It Once.

I mean to plan every day. I finally make this incredible list of to-dos, and then it fails me. Or no, wait, I fail IT. It? My to-do list? Yes. I don't get even three things done off of my list, and then it gets upsetting to see this, day after day, the feeling of failure continuing to hit, when that same to-do list has not yet been ta-done.

I read an article just recently, about how we set our perceptions to the "FAIL" dial, by affirming these negative thoughts on a fairly consistent basis. "I'm tired." "It's so hard!" "I'll never get this done!" "She's always late to everything!"

What if we made a different choice? If only for one moment in time, what type of success could we have if we focused on what was successfully being done? What if we focus on what we know we can accomplish, without question? What if we used a Huna technique called "touch it once" and moved that project out the door forever?

It would require the busy part of our brain to be quiet, so we could focus on doing that one thing well. When we are driving or sleeping, eating or typing, it is tough to try doing anything else in that moment. So why not be in the moment and just touch it once?

This requires that we choose to shorten our to-do list, and, just for today, we decide that nothing else is more important than getting those three things done, and not an entire list of items.
Now we may find that we are infinitely capable of doing more, but to focus on the three most important items on your agenda may be the answer to a lifetime of lists that never get completed. Then, instead of carrying around the negative sentiment of "I never finish completing my list," you can say something like, "Oh, that? I've already crossed three items off my list today, and I feel absolutely amazed at my progress." Just a thought.

Monday, November 12, 2012

The official entry into the 40s...the real "F" Bomb.

We are all works in progress.

Having said that....
I write this post as an ode to the past and a nod to the future. I stand in today, with my head erect. I realize that I really do know who I am and I know that an age isn't a real marker of accomplishment. In the long run, it has maybe more to do with how many lives you could impact. I just think that at 40, it starts to become a real push, like half of your life might be over, and it's time to get to the business of helping people grow.

Yeah, so I did think to myself, that I had goals I wanted to hit by today. Simple goals like cleaning my house and throwing away clothes and furniture, or finishing a certification, reading a book. The even larger goal is being the business entity of Blissfully Fit. Yeah, I wanted something done by today, and I'm not completely sure I did that.
But there are a few things I did do, and I'm honestly quite grateful for all of these things. Firstly, I hugged my son and told him I love him. Secondly, I had an amazing birthday night with an incredible man. Thirdly, I have been exercising my heart out, and people frequently tell me how youthful I appear, even when I open my mouth to speak. Yes, I have decided, it's still a compliment.

So what did 40 really bring me? It brought me a series of awarenesses and subtle revelations that affirm my purpose on this planet. It helped me realize that it's not over, not even hardly, and that I still have the life and the love within me to keep pushing for higher and more important goals if I am choosing this, which I am.

40 means something special to me. It means that I've made it, without really getting any older at all, but more eternal.

Neutralizing Negativity


You know, it's about that time to have that talk when the holidays start coming down the pike, and I have to remind everyone that this is the time of year to do exactly this: SLOW DOWN.

Yes, that's right. I don't mean to sit down on the couch or face down on the bed without any movement. I mean, focus your mind and thoughts towards your goals and plan carefully for the spring of your winter's current if that means that you don't feel your exercise and nutrition plans are going quite as well as you may have expected, know that it's only part of the solution to health. Your emotional, mental, and spiritual wellness means just as much.

No, I'm not talking about having to go to a church or stop being emotional or that the thoughts running through your head have to stop. I mean, this is an excellent time to pull all parts into balance. Truth is, I can't write while I'm jogging, and I can't sleep while I'm exercising. There is a time and a place for everything, and

YOU HAVE TIME TO DO IT ALL. You really do.

You just have to know that there is a plan beyond yourself and you are fulfilling it, each and every moment of the day. Now. Can you accept that? Or will you fight this truth, tooth and nail?

Another truth is that our negative self-talk begins to permeate our existence like a poison. Haha. I said, OUR. We all do it. I do it at times when I am not even aware. I have a few best friends to apologize to today, in fact....Yes, it is important to be heard and to be understood. At a certain point however, you might try working a bit harder to offset a particular response that your body tends to use, in order to protect yourself from potential harm.

The kidneys really take one for the team. The kidneys produce cortisol, a hormone that kicks up during a physiological stress event, like exercising, along with adrenaline. Both of these hormones create the fight or flight response in the chemistry. Now, I just heard a workshop given by a phenomenal doctor that made me remember why so many people seem to be responding from this stressy, angry, fearful place, a place we learned to respond to as children. And believe me, we want these fears assuaged, or at least we think we do. But everytime they are, we are being told that those fears, and that emotion, is not okay to have, so we never end up healing from it.

Instead, we carry this stress response into our adulthood and we act out fears and create these boundaries around our fears that keep us in this safe little box, that over time, shows itself as fairly unreasonable. With every negative interaction, like a putdown for example, even if it's not meant to be taken seriously, coming from yourself or others, incites the cortisol response.

Now how much more stressful do the holidays need to be?

Do yourself a favor and enjoy the moment in the day when you feel guided to sit down. When you do, take a deep breath, say a quiet affirmation, bless the affirmation with gratitude, and forgive yourself. Remember what this season is for, and remember how much I Love you.


Friday, November 2, 2012

What would you do with 15 minutes to live?

Obviously, this is only a when, and not an "if" question. I asked my kids this question as we stepped into El Dia De Los Muertos, November 1st and 2nd. My students got a little wiggy on me because I asked them to reflect on their deceased loved ones yesterday. The answers were touching and beautiful.

So, on reflection of this question, a tear threatens to leave my eye because when I wrote the question for my students today, I at least gave them time to decide whether they wanted to make the most of this life, because some assumed I meant death would soon be imminent. I asked them what they wanted to accomplish, who they wanted to help, how they affect people, how they change the world by their mere presence, and how others, maybe a bit more philanthropic or famous, have helped to complete change the world. My students wrote some amazing responses.

And now, down to its last 15 minutes...telling everyone I could reach that I loved them and holding my son, would be two things I'd want most. Telling his father that he did a good job would be another goal. If this last fifteen minutes would be before my parents died, I would tell them how I know they did the best they could and how incredibly proud I am of them for every accomplishment they overcame, and how I saw myself in them every day of my life and how grafeful I am that we all made it to this moment. I'd thank my dance teacher for the gift of creativity she unlocked in me. I'd pray for all my family, friends and clients and ask the Creator and spirit guides if we could all watch over our loved ones from the beyond.

I would want to write a short letter and have students pass the letter to one another, letting them know how much they mean to me, and how a simple smile has made all my experience worth going through, the rough education and financial burden worth taking on, and life worth living to such a degree they could never understand.

I would say a special thank you to my ex boyfriend who played the source of unconditional love in my life,and then turn around and thank my current boyfriend, for becoming the exceptional man he is becoming under my watch, and to be happy with all that is left, and not to sit around and mourn my death, for it is only temporal...
After this, my guess is that I would live a while longer, because my heart would be filled with so much love that my veins would be deeply flowing. Sounds like a wonderful plan.