From beginning to (almost) end, December 31 was hard. It simply wasn't a typical slow, sluggish winter day, but one filled with emotion, depth, writing intensity and wonder by its end. The night before exploded into an event I had not expected, and was brought on by one of the simplest and yet longstanding, energetic issues between my man and I. Having brought the tension to a head, it was beginning to look like the relationship was over. So my entire day was spent in an emotional tizzy, not typical for a woman of God, someone who believes in miracles and blessings and wondrous events occurring. I am usually the rock of everyone's life, and that's why they gravitate toward me. But sometimes I wanna fall apart in someone's lap and just cry.
Well, having no one around to assist this, I texted with an awesome girlfriend of mine (or two) and allowed them to be there for me, unlike any other time. As the morning progressed into afternoon, I dragged my body filled with metaphysical representations of my unresolved emotional issues into the kitchen, and prepared a cup of coffee.
But what happened next was unexpected, and took my day into a surprisingly productive flow. I did a little bit of breathing and prayed for healing as I do every day, but this prayer sent me into typing mode, and I proceeded to type with all my might. (As you can see, I still have writer energy to this moment, though this admittedly could be the coffee typing. It is its own entity.) I wrote to relieve the pressure of failure at getting a communication clearly delivered. However, what I ended up correcting is still good preparation for the next round of communications.
I found myself focusing heavily onto my business pages and setting up my site, posting interesting tidbits of information I thought would be of import to others. In fact, as I look at the page, I can see that I gave new life to it, while telling others of my work, that I have not yet told. And this is what inspired me to continue writing because I thought I would lay the foundation tonight for the new year. As much as can be put togther ahead of time in this new year, so shall it be in my life.
So I'm typing and praying and I find some awesome meditations on line. It just seemed that every healing tool that was not available to me earlier was now powerful and highly accessible. I was hardwired into the change and I ran with it. I didn't eat nor did I exercise, it was that intense. By 4p, I decided to go for another shift, so I called my mentor and spiritual bodyworker, Reverend Emma, to help me push some energy through. What we found was powerfully shifting. That is a separate blog in itself.
At first I thought I would see Michael tonight, as he had mentioned he would stop through. I gave it time though, and after a mild pause, had a thoroughly engaging conversation with a neighbor friend of mine who was going through a particular time and I played her mirror. Walking upstairs I found my roommate and I assisted her. Since I decided that staying home might not be the best for me tonight, I called Valerie. An hour later I was in a most surprising place: A church. Now, it's not the MOST surprising thing I could have said or done on New Years Eve, but it was the most sober choice, and the thing that stands out in my mind, is the fact that the man whom I love the most would have been so happy to be in the presence of this amazing Christian concert. Even though he was not there to share it with me, I felt as if it were a cross section of his existence that, in a more well rested state, would have been happy to indulge.
When we have the opportunity to heal, and the messages ring clear all around that those who love you, love you well, we need to listen. As I shared with my friend Valerie, the gift of tonight and its messages, I also shared with Michael's spirit, a deeply ingrained part of him that lives like fire through his life. If anyone chooses to be with anyone, and makes the effort to try to understand them, then living in your partner's experience is far more veritable assurance that you truly are committed to this individual.
This day was brought to you by the letters L-O-V-E and the sentiment that being in Love means that you are BEing inside yourself, you being an embodiment of God's Love (Or One Source/Universal Conscience, I see them as the same) and you are reflecting that Love with, on, in and through your partner.
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