Fear of a dirty home....

I fear having an unclean home. Maybe that's why I still haven't chosen a new place to settle into. While I agree with you that the fear of an unclean home is slightly unreasonable, I can fully attest to the deep place from which this comes. And no, I don't have a subconscious fear of success, as I feel I've had many successes throughout my life. So let me explain.

I'm not often home, so I leave things everywhere as I am rushing around town.  I do the same thing in my car, when I am rushing around and leaving a spread of items on the front and back seats as I trailblaze to my next appointment, class or workout. It is frequently uncomfortable when I come back to the state of things, and I end up having to make amends for stuff haphazardly tossed about. Therefore my house is not comfortable to relax in, and I end up finding other places to be, that would be more relaxing for that period In time!

Does anyone else go through this? I know I could not be alone!

Most decide to valiantly do something about it, and begin to diligently clean their abode in an effort to once again see the floor. Sometimes my desperate attempts only conclude in me resurfacing a counter with cooking items and utensils colliding in a kaleidoscope of food preparation or some other magnificent creation, but not one of utter cleanliness.

What have I made so vital about keeping everything clean? I clearly don't want it to be clean, and I see cleaning as work and now I have made myself wrong for it! Bad housekeeper! Bad girl! 

The happy ending to the story, is that I know how relaxed and light I feel as I am cleaning in the area. It is that meditative aspect that takes me through the changes needed to transform an area of my life. Knowing what rainbow of glory awaits me as the floor clears,is what tends to propel me forward into completion of the task.

Another added benefit is to be able to invite friends to share the space with me. Really, I am ready to have my own space again, on new terms.